Disney Babies
(click here to hear)

They’re branding babies now
I’m so lucky, I got a Disney baby
Though I really wanted an HP
But then a Walmart baby, would be so….cheap, deedle ee deep
Maybe they’ll merge with Disney and HP, and I can collect all three 

Or I could have more babies, each one with a different sponsor
Lotsa free stuff for the crib, a logo on the bib
And then when they get old and gone, sir
I mean to say when they’re two
I could get ‘em Disney implants with 24-hour cartoons
And then when they’re  6 or 7
They could go to Disney camp and learn to shop for themselves

And then when they’re 11
They’ll be Disney tweeners
And the coffee beaners from Disney-Starbucks
Will take over till it’s time for HP 

Oh wait she got her first computer
When she was too young to hit the escape key
I had to help her, had to boot her…..up
And show her how to pay the monthly fee 

But now they’ve got a home consultant
Comes in with a Baby Mac
Free lessons in yr high chair
And a  free corporate tattoo in the small of your back 

Speaking of small, I gotta warn ya
Big government is in your bedroom now
They say they’ll give you health care and margaritas
But they wanta take your right to put
A logo on your fetus 

They say it’s corporate overreaching
I say it’s just the magic of the marketplace
by my favorite firm
The magic Disney makes when they give free cakes
To the egg and the sperm

So when you open up the college fund
For the baby you might be having in a year
Be sure to check the markings on the package of your partner
‘Fore you do the deed
You wouldn’t wanta have an incompatibility
Between your microwave oven and his TV
So check the logo on your wife or husband’s butt
Be sure it’s the right brand
Lest your baby grow up
Not knowing what to buy to dry their onesie (copyright Gerber Childrenswear)
When they throw up

They’re offering free tickets to Disney World
Simply sign over the naming rights for your little girl
They’re providing a product while leveraging their brand
They’d do it just for love, but the billions are grand
Would you reject a free sample just because they’re trampling
Your inner creative life
Extracting all your vital juices isn’t really child abuse
But if it makes you want to hang yourself
They will sell you the noose – in trendy colors

Oh there are some slacker parents who are waiting until preschool
To give their little babies the chance to become a Disney tool
But now they’ve got a channel all their own they can choose
It’s a mall world after all

Now about “our 365” that’s simple product placement
In a target-rich environment, by which I mean maternity ward
Here come Profit and Gamble and Fix Your Price Toys
Without whom there’d be no hospitals so shut your noise
The baby branding business is a $36 billion dollar pot
So hey I gotta say it, is this a free country or what?

Let me send in a rep dressed up just like a nurse
Who will dangle some mobiles, other hand in mommy’s purse
At 18 days, we’ll start a drip of Snow White
We’ve got freedom of drip, the court gave a green light
And once you’re hooked on the Lion King
We’ll suck you in further with our suction child abduction seal your doom vacuum fog machine flat screen thing

When Microsoft and Disney have merged
And for your baby you’ve splurged
It’s only money, don’t be a dunce
Hey you’re only a baby once
And it’s cheaper if you buy today
So while you’re sitting on the fence
Wondrin if it makes sense
Some other mother’s baby’s bought up all the stock in the national defense
Some other mother’s baby’s bought up all the stock in the national defense

So buy now, keep up your payments
No money down this year but never fear
If you default, we’ve got a vault
Where we’ll safeguard your investment
That’s to say your bouncing baby dear

Look on the bright side
You’re starting over
clean slate, first rate
credit for your next endeavor
Even before your white knight proposed
You might say you’ve already been hosed
Which you’ll realize when you go to baptize
And find your baby’s been foreclosed

You're OK now, you’re out of bankruptcy
Your brand…new kid’s out of emergency
He’s got a good 9 to 5
Workin in his play station for the good of the nation
And if there’s a moral here
It might be, maybe
What’s good for Disney
Is good for baby

You’re smart, you planned
You came with credit card in hand
Strike up the band, you’re in Fantasyland
You’ve got the most beautiful baby in Disneyland