Category: Singing CIA Agent George Shrub Speaks

No one is safe in Nicaragua, especially the inhabitants.

A lot of people laugh when you bring up the domino theory. But this is no ordinary game of dominoes that the Communists are playing in the Central part of Our America. The Cubist-style rulers in Managua refuse to tell us the order in which the dominoes will fall. They are playing Russian Roulette. So we will not play their game. We will continue to play the only game we know: Monopoly.

We know that the Sandinites are exporting revolution. The only person who does not know this is David MacMichael, a former CIA analyst in Central America. He came to his superior, expressing doubts that there was any intelligence about Nicaraguan arms shipments to El Salvador’s guerrillas. The superior explained, “It’s there, you just don’t know about it.” That is known as a superior explanation.

And we are prepared to negotiate. We are prepared to apologize for our interceptions in Nicaragua in 1854, 1896, 1912, 1921 and 1926, as well as our support for the previous owners of that nation, if they will apologize for pointing out those interceptions, and for taking over their country without our permission, and for mixing religion and politics. But we have no first apology policy.

Now the Sandinoid propaganda machine tries to tell you that they distributed land and provided free medical care. This is a cynical attempt to make you think they’ve provided their people with things we don’t have here. Last year they tried to convince the American people not to vote for PrezRon. We cannot allow this intervention in our affairs to continue. We cannot permit their oppression of their own people, forcing them to read and eat.

We are also looking into the possibility that American citizens in Nicaragua may have had encouragement from the self-styled government down there to perpetrate their perpetual Thursday demonstrations outside the U.S. embassy there. Highly placed sources who asked to remain highly placed sources indicated that the Sandinites may have given the demonstrators training in calling us imperialists. (As President Ron has said, “In the United States we have to get used to being called imperialists and such things.”)

If this training came from high levels ,it might be found to constitute coercion, and we might be forced, with a heavy heart, to rescue those entrapped Americans. While we’re there, we can fix the airport or anything else that might be broken or might become broken. Or perhaps they need a canal dug.

And as for their so-called elections, they were just a charade. Everyone knew in advance who was going to win.. The Sandinoids don’t mind foisting their charades on the world. They don’t mind what we think and they don’t mind what we say. They’re like little children who don’t mind. And that why we mined. That was not an act of war, when we mined. We were protecting our neighbors from Moscow-inspired Cubistic aggression in Our Hemisphere. And if some of our neighbors say they don’t want to be protected, well that just shows how much they know: too much. Obviously our Latin neighbors are not yet capable of governing themselves—we see to that.

OUR HERITAGE 
The Heritage Foundation has recommended that the United States fund guerrillas in Cambodia, Laos, Vietnam, Angola, Ethiopia, Afghanistan, Nicaragua, Iran and Libya to show the world “that the United States will no longer countenance the subversion or overthrow of friendly governments within the developing world.” (Friendly is defined as those who are, with us, developing the world.).

However, the other self-styled governments are, it turns out, friendly to other governments, which presents a problem when they all gang up on the Truly Friendly Nations, as takes place so often in the self-styled United Nations. For example, there was a recent vote in the UN to publish a directory of dangerous chemicals. The vote was 147 to 1. We voted against, not only because it’s a waste of $89,000, but because that information is available in a thousand other places. Not any one place, but in 1,000 others. Also, such a list might be used to hurt the business of certain companies, and that’s against our principals, not to mention our interest in the matter.

But we are not withdrawing from that group, although we will never say never. It might tip off our adversary as to what we might not do. If not why.

The guerrillas have no supporters; 
therefore all those killed by the army
are guerrillas.

As you know, El Salvador is a democracy. Unlike Poland, they have strikes there. Up to 30 strikes a day, and that just the air force. But Poland and El Salvador are not the same. In fact they are indifferent to each other.

There is great progress being made in human rights in El Salvador. We have encouraged the government to remove the death squads from El Salvador and place them over El Salvador. There, they cannot pick out individuals they don’t like and eliminate them. They will be more general there. We will teach them that all men are cremated equal , especially women and children. And also, we will control them, by directing them.

Now they tell you we using napalm and white phosphorus bombs down there. Well, what do they expect? They’re hiding down there! If they were real Americans they would come out and show their true colors. But they are Red, so they hide, wearing camouflage and blending in with the peasants. But they are not peasants. They are composed of three factions: Soviet surrogates, Cuban clones and Nicaraguan nattering nabobs of negativism. Now the question has been asked, why can’t the army distinguish between the guerrillas and their supporters? The answer is that the guerrillas have no supporters; therefore all those killed by the army are guerrillas.

But just because we’re using the same strategy of buying the elections and bombing the voters, that doesn’t mean it’s another Vietnam. Vietnam was caused by the Chinese. Today the Chinese are our friends. El Salvador is caused by the Soviets. Without the Soviets, everyone would like us. This is a proven fact. I know this, because I read my digests. The Soviets are responsible. And they are irresponsible. And that is why we are trying to free our hemisphere. It used to be a free hemisphere, and now they’re trying to make us pay for it, and that not what the Monroe Doctrine says. The Monroe Doctrine states that countries from outside the hemisphere can’t take things without paying for them, and we’re going to enforce that.

And besides, as Jeane Killpatriot has pointed out, our revolution was the only one that worked. Look at Mexico: they’re still poor. No, we don’t need any more revolutions. How can you have a revolution in a back yard? These are not revolutions. These are Soviet-style fomentations. These Marxist hit-men are fomenting nations in our Back 40. You can’t just sit by and watch somebody come in and take over your lands. Because if you do, then you’ll see an exodus of feet people to our country. Already, 500,000 Slaveadorans have been displaced. Most of these are fleeing the terror of the Leninist guerrillas, and a few of them are fleeing from the over-enthusiasm of the government—37 of them at last count.

And speaking of El Salvador, we have news on Fidel Castro. A Cuban defector says that Castro is personal, impulsive and intrusive. The Monroe Doctrine prohibits intrusions in Our Hemisphere, so it is our responsibility to rescue Cuba. The defector, Jose Luis Llovio Menendez, also said Mr. Castro hates everyone in the United States, except baseball players and baseball fans.

OUR NEIGHBORS IN AFGHANISTAN 
PrezRon has explained that the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan is similar to Pearl Harbor. This is because both acts are a direct threat to our security. He did not say, however, that we would therefore declare war on the Soviets. He also did not say he would not say it, or rule it out, or not rule it out. He further would not confirm that we are aiding the Afghan Freedom Fighters, but did say it was possible the aid was being mismanaged.

OUR NEIGHBORS BUT NOT NEXT DOOR 
We are now outnumbered by minorities. In fact, we are surrounded by them. They have achieved a gross population, in fact, they are gross by definition and need their numbers adjusted. Now about integration, the only way to eliminate the barriers is to tear them down. We cannot lust tear down all the fine freeways and railroad tracks that have made our country what it shall remain. But this is what the radical handwringers and doomsayers propose. Just do away with progress, says congress.

Latin “America” is being moved out of authoritarianationism and into democracy, now that the conditions are present:

1 – Elimination of terrorists, that is, Communists, that is, those who would nationalize foreign businesses
2 – Assurances that the armed forces will not be nationalized. General amnesty (for the Colonels also)
3 – Construction of a realistic economic structure, that is, a single-crop export economy
4 – Proper arrangements for the national debt, i.e., permanent.

We are hopeful of a successful transition from autocracy to austerity. There is a chance that democracy will succeed in these countries. If it does work, we will restore order. Although the Latin zone often seems chaotic to Northerners, there is an orderly cycle to life in these lands. The traditional form of government among these people, the military junta, promotes quick economic growth. Then, when the debts come due from the loans taken out for expansion, the colonels allow democracy to take over and work out a suitable solution to the debt, which normally entails four stages:

1 – Negotiations with the International Monetary Fund
2 – Austerity measures
3 – Riots
4 – Return to military rule

This cycle has proven quite reliable, providing a feeling of long-term stability as well as a guaranteed variety in life. Citizens of these nations must pity the denizens of totalitarianationistic dungeons like Cuba and Nicaragua. These countries trudge along in unchanging poverty, blaming their plight on outside influences like the World Bank and trade blockades. In these Communist countries the working class cannot rise above itself, since all the other classes have been outlawed. So there’s no upward mobility. No incentive to pull yourself up by your brother’s bootstraps and rise above him. In other words, no Yuppies.

We are hopeful of a successful transition from autocracy to austerity.

Now some have said that I’m trying to turn you all into sheep by using Communism as an escape goat. Not so. The problems under Communism are real. I know this. I created them myself. We understand that Nicaragua can’t get development off the ground even though they have a private sector still in operation. This is, of course, because of their outrageous military expenditures which are necessitated by their plans to destabilize Mexico (and New Mexico).

GUATEMALA GAINS 
Our embassy reports that political killings increased last year, but overall human rights conditions have improved. That is, they have improved for the living, and life is for the living. There has been a lot of propaganda about this poor country by those who want to turn it into a Soviet base. The human rights violations are grossly overrated. I can tell you that no army officer and very few policemen have ever been convicted of human rights violations there. In fact, as we have exclaimed before, most violations are committed by the Violent Left. We know this because most of the victims are unionists, peasant activists, students and teachers—exactly the type of people the Communists always kill to make it look like the Army did it. Well maybe that kind of circumstantial evidence holds up in the world court, but
ot in ours.

“SANCTUARY”
The illegal aliens from the Central part of Our America are, of course, in our country looking for work. Times are kind of bad in their countries, although they are rapidly improving as the economic recovery trickles down through the hemisphere. But a serious and tragic difficulty befalls these misplaced persons when they enter our land. They are abducted by self-styled “church people” to alleged “sanctuary programs,” which are in fact a cover for pressing the aliens into service as indentured servants. Therefore we must indict. We will unmask this cult, strip away the false collars and habits, and free these unfortunate souls, to return to their own lands; in fact we will pay their return fare. Let no one say we are unfair.

The government has filed a motion to bar any references to U.S. policy in Central America, religious convictions, or international refugee law from these court cases. We feel this will help to focus the cases on the smuggling and neo-slavery issues which constitute the core of the problem for the aliens.

U.S. HANDS OFF POLICY 
To show that we are not afraid to withdraw when we’ve gotten in over our heads, the U.S. has pulled itself (and Britain) out of UNESCO. This is because Third Rate nations want to put journalists under the control of governments. Now these are young nations, and they’ll understand when they older that this kind of action is wasteful, since journalists already are government-controlled, indirectly, since they work for companies which in turn control governments. You see, the Communists want governments to own business, but it’s really much more efficient the other way around since a corporation may operate internationally, but governments are restricted to one country, technically.

Just how far back will be revealed at a date to be revealed later. We are standing tall, on a wide variety of backs. We are on the move again, moving on countries far and wide, small and smaller.

A far away totalitarianationistic power is attempting. to take Central America away from the local totalitarian powers. This sort of destabilization will not be tolerated. If Central America is lost, we will be forced to take out ads in the lost and found, or even to go to the expense of buy new countries to replace the old ones.

To secure peace in the world, we must secure our piece of the world. It is time to annex foreign affairs. All the world’s a stage, therefore we must act. We do not need to act well, or to think before we act , but we must act before someone else takes our part. We must help the Salvadorans, or else they might help themselves. El Salvador is very important. You might not know it, but San Salvador is closer to Houston than Dallas is to reality.

It is time to annex foreign affairs.

Have you ever wondered why bulls charge when they see red? It’s because they’re bullheaded, and that how we’ve got to be, friends. When we see Red we’ve got to charge the taxpayers. Charge against overwhelming odds, as we did in Grenada. Charge—and whatever the cost, pass it on. And if a small, civilian-military war should escalate into a global , unconventional conflict, remember: first strike means never having to say you’re sorry.

VE Day and Yalta 
May 8 is the 40th anniversary of victory in Europe. Once again we will hear from the Evil Empire (the current one) and its apologists that the Soviet Union played a part in that victory. Well, it is deniable but true that the Soviets did give us some assistance in that skirmish, and did in the course of the action lose some 20 million Soviet lives (roughly equivalent to 7 million American lives, or about $260 million).

But we now know that had it not been for the convenient existence of an external enemy, those millions would have perished in the famine which admittedly did take place. So we can see that these deceased individuals were in fact not an extra sacrifice, unlike our boys. (Because of the free enterprise system, we don’t have famines in America.)

So you can see that the thesis that we and the Soviets have a basis for friendship is a malconstruction. It was America that took care of the Nazi problem, and to this day it remains America that takes care of the Nazis—mostly in Paraguay and Bolivia.

SILVER RIGHTS COMMISSION 
Chairman Clarence Pendleton has explained that advocates of affirmative action are New Racists working for neo-slavery. He also criticized his colleagues for saying that civil rights laws are to protect blacks, Hispanics and women, asking “Where does that leave other Americans?” Mr. Pendleton has clearly touched on a central problem. If white male Americans are not looked after, they will soon be eclipsed by minorities reveling in new-found rights given to them by big govamint. And since white males play an important role in the process of Trickle Down Economics, we mustn’t alienate them.

STATE SALE 
The competitive bidding for the Saturn program—the car—continues, with the fascinating innovation of the governors offering bids on the sale of their own states. This helps to clarify who’s boss, but only until we choose a state to plant the plant in. Then, when the state is sold, free enterprise comes in to free the economy up so that Big gummint can get out of the way of the Private Sector and let the Marketplace work its Magic.

ND SPYING IN POLAND 
Our military attaché in Poland was not taking pictures of sensitive military installations. That what we were accused of by Poland, and therefore we never do that. If we did, we certainly wouldn’t get caught. Shot down maybe. But we will not say whether we will retaliate, although we will threaten to say we will. We will not bomb Poland, though we would not discourage those in the private sector who wish to aid such efforts.

INFANT MORALITY
American infants are relatively innocent, not being quite absolutely innocent as are American fetuses. We are happy to hear, then, that America’s infants are dying in smaller numbers than ever. Regrettably, the percentage of black babies dying continues to rise. However , this cannot be traced to “social” “service” cutbacks. It was possible to trace a rise in infant mortality in the Soviet Union in the 1970’s to the government’s totaliterroristic policies, because there they have a monolithic system that controls every aspect of life.

But we are concerned about this problem, and we will be encouraging the private sector to pitch in and help with the solution, though the creation of enterprise zones in the inner cities. This will give poor families the self-respect that comes with full employment (7% unemployment) , which in turn will teach them the value of feeding their children properly. This is a solution within our democratic tradition, rather than one more nannystate shackle imposed on the people, who yearn to make their own decisions on how best to combat poverty, communism, unemployment, terrorism, health care and communism.

We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men and women are to be cremated equal, that they are endowed by their cremator with certain unalienable rights, except for the aliens; that among these rights are the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of television. That to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men, over women, deriving their unjust powers from the consent of the governors; that whenever any form of government becomes destructive, it is the right of the people to alter or abolish it, except if it is found to be essential to vital national security interests or is within our sphere of influence, or should be.

THIS TOO SHALL WE PASS

The crybabies who used to make steel in Pennsylvania can’t seem to pick themselves up and get computer programming jobs in New York. They don’t understand that Economic Transformation is what made this country whatever it is going to become. The mill towns of the Northeast were abandoned, the Southern cotton plantations were abandoned, western mining towns were abandoned—should Pennsylvania be an exception? Inner cities are abandoned for suburbs, and if you hear inner citizens complaining, it’s only because they don’t have enough education to keep them quiet. Each generation must put itself second to make and keep America First. Some would ask, who or what then is this America? Well, as the saying now goes, if you have to ask, you’ll never understand.

(The Budget)

It seems that some people still don’t understand this budget, so it will be necessary to explain it away more extensively. This is, or should be, a bipartisan budget. It is a democratic budget for the Republic. It is democratic because it is opposed to the tyranny of Medicare, Medicaid, the Job Corps, farm price supports, college student aid, veterans’ health care, rural electrification subsidies, the Small Business Administration and the Legal Services Corporation. It attempts to remove constraints from mass transit, such as funding.

The largest part of this budget is still payoffs to individuals: 41% of the total goes to Social Security and other Welfare Chiselers. This expenditure, which is an offense, dwarfs the Defense section of the budget, which is only 29%. The purpose of this budget item is to transform the military-industrial complex into an arsenal of democracy. A great deal of this particular expense is not Truly Military but correlates to a party we are throwing in Geneva. A party is not a party without chips, and we need some MX chips to get our guests in the right mood. Remember: When outlaws are outgunned, only in-laws will have guns.

The Strategic Defense Initiative is not a chip, in addition to not being Star Wars. It is the Way to Save the World. Mutual Assured Destruction is MAD. It’s just common sense to construct a security shield that will save most of our people. That’s Real National Security, and therefore no details can be released. In any case, there are no details.

Some people complain about the size of the military expenditures. But that decision is made in Moscow, not in Washington. There is an unpresented military buildup in the Soviet Union. Also, you might be interested to know that the Scriptures are on our side on this. Of course, they are on anyone’s side on anything.

Jeane Kirkpatrick worked very hard at the UN, but it is still functioning, so she has resigned. Our new man is Vernon Walters, who has a long history in diplomacy. Let me recount some of his achievements for you.

In 1961, Ambassador Vern was military attaché in Rome (attached to, but not of, the military—that is, a specialist in military intelligence, that is, advising the military on what to do about the problems caused by intelligence). He advocated at that time that the US should rescue Italy if the Socialists should enter the government coalition, which of course they shouldn’t. And didn’t.

He speaks eight languages with duplicity.

In 1971, Vern, as Deputy Director of the CIA (this has been declassified), helped out in the process of classifying the Daniel Ellsberg break-in and the Watergate burglary. They had to be classified, to protect certain CIA operations. If the connection between these things is not clear, then you probably don’t understand it.

In 1976, a former ambassador from Chile under former President Allende was neutralized in Washington. The Paraguayan official who obtained visas for the later-convicted assassins gave them a Washington contact phone number: Vern’s. But they never had occasion to call. So Vern never got the chance to talk them out of it. So this was not one of his achievements.

In 1981 Vern became PrezRon’s ambassador at large. He went straightaway to Argentina and Chile to announce cancellation of President Carter’s human rights policy, which was replaced by President Ron’s quiet diplomacy. Vern has been the quintessential quiet diplomat, remaining quiet in about 100 countries. He also speaks eight languages with duplicity.

Vern brings to his new post a strong sense of justice, having called the Viet Nam war “one of the noblest and most unselfish wars in U.S. history.” His grasp of history extends into the future as well; on the question of human rights in Guatemala he remarked, “There will be human rights problems in the year 3000 with the governments of Mars and the Moon.” At the United Nations, Vern will be in a good position to lay the groundwork for that exciting future.

SHULTZ SPEAKS OUT 

The Secretary of the State recently spoke out on “America and the Struggle for Freedom.”

He explained that the democratic revolution sweeping the world today is led by the foster children of the American revolution—ours, that is. He listed among our children the valiant Freedom Fighters in Afghanistan, Cambodia, Nicaragua, Ethiopia and Angola, and the peaceful advocates of democratic change in South Africa, Chile, Korea and the Philippines. (The different tactics for the two groups result from the different nature of their adversaries—totalitarianationistic in the first group, merely authoritarianationistic in the second. Those countries in the first group are either dungeons or tunnels; the nations of the second group are our friends and therefore can be influenced to modify their systems peacefully, if absolutely necessary.

Secretary George then explained that we have always promoted decolonization. We had no interest in countries having colonies; we certainly never had any. We wanted to build a new relationship with other peoples’ former colonies. There isn’t any particular name for this relationship, and there won’t be.

After World War II, George reminded us, the U.S. promoted democratic institutions in Western Europe. We started by eliminating the Communist threat in the unions there, and then corrected premature moves of a radical nature away from stability in Italy, which had only recently been de-authoritarianated and needed time to adjust. In Greece we had to save the people from their irresponsibility, which established a precedent. Or anyway a colonel.

George touched briefly on historical examples of our support for freedom fighters. We smuggled guns and powder to Simon Bolivar, out of a disinterested interest in decolonization of Spain’s interests in Our Hemisphere. And we accepted aid from France in our struggle against England, having first assured ourselves that the French were acting only from their own interest in the decolonization of the English-speaking world. The Secretary did not mention multinational corporate investment, as this was a speech about foreign policy.

In conclusion, the Secretary reminded us all of America’s moral responsibility to lead the free world, saying there is no one else to take our place. Therefore we must take their places.

The armed subversion carried out by the Sandinoid junta against their neighbors is a violation of international law. We know this because they have relations with Iran, the PLO and Libya, as well as France, Panama and Sweden. We know this, and yet they have tried to cover it up by trying to try the United States of America in the world court for exactly those crimes they are guilty of. But they have succeeded only in trying our patience. And since our patience is on trial, we must put up a defense, and the Freedom Fighters are just such a defense. The best defense is an offense, and they certainly are that.

The Freedom Fighters are the moral equal of our Founding Fathers, not counting inflation. They are like the French Resistance in World War II, in that they have our support. They are like the Abraham Lincoln Brigade against Franco, in that we didn’t send them there, but we didn’t try to stop them, not directly. And we are like Lafayette, who aided us against an oppressor with no thought of gain for himself, since as you know England and France are old allies.

“ELECTIONS”

Those elections were not rigged. We bought these elections fair and square.

Those who are fooled by the Sandinoids’ propaganda show will tell you that they have had elections. The elections in Nicaragua were not free. That is, they couldn’t be bought. The contras, on the other hand, can be bought on the free market, and are therefore freedom fighters.

So that is not a legitimate government. We know this. They took power from the barrel of a gun. Granted, we did that too. But we were revolting against big govamint. Higher taxes. The Sandinites were revolting against a small government. And now they just revolting.

Now in El Slave-ador it was different. The elections there were just. They were just so. Some would say they were just so-so. But these were free elections. The voting was free. It was free to vote. And they were not rigged. No, we bought these elections fair and square. They were just as free as our own elections. (As you may unfortunately be aware, the District of Columbia did not vote correctly, that is, they lost, and so they may be in for some re-districting. Throughout the country, 90% of the blacks also mis-voted, and Ron has said that they clearly didn’t have the facts, so those voters will have to be re-colored.)

We have a moral duty to help the Freedom Fighters; that is, to control them. To make the Sandinites say Uncle. To make the Freedom Fighters into uncles. That is, to make their brothers into fathers. And they are our brothers. So they need children. And the Nicaraguites are like children, so there should be no problem. Also, we must pressure the Sandinoid regime to stop exporting revolution, to stop them from stopping us from stopping revolution. The American people demand this. And the American people are fair. They are fair-minded, and they are fair-haired. Further, we must press for reforms. To reform the government, not to oust them, but to move them aside in the sense of their present structure. Because they are against the family. That is why they must say Uncle. And then they can stay.

They are censoring our paper there. I mean, a paper that likes us. Also, they have been mean to the church, just because the Bishop there called for the overthrow of the government. And they claim that the bishops there have not spoken out once against the “crimes of the contras.” Have they never heard of the freedom from speech? They seem to think that silence is a crime. So we’re going to have to move them aside. And the same is the case in Poland. They must be moved aside so we can see what the Russians are up to.

Now in El Slave-ador you have a different situation, because the Archbishop there called for Revolutionary, Radical and Violent Change, but he is no longer with us—in fact he was never with us, but he is not being repressed by that government so we are not going to move them aside. No, we are going to stay at their side, and on their side. In fact, I’ll have you know, we are their side.

And now come the predictable assertions that the Freedom Fighters are committing “atrocities” against the “population.” Now this is another of their distortionary tactics. You see, in Nicaragua you can’t always tell the civilians from the combatants. Which is quite different from the way it was in Vietnam, where you couldn’t necessarily in every case tell the combatants from the civilians. So while it is deniable but true that the Freedom Fighters may have set a truck full of civilians on fire and cut their throats, it may invariably turn out that the civilians had offered a ride to some Sandinite soldiers. Or those civilians may have been carrying arms for “protection” against “Contra” “attacks,” and since they were carrying arms, the Freedom Fighters had to assume they were plainclothes Sandinites.

If it becomes impossible to pry those few dollars out of Congress for our Self-Defense actions in Nicaragua, we will encourage the private sector to come to our aid. It’s time Big Govamint got off the backs of Defense. And speaking of backs, America is back. Back to the halcyon days of private investment when people worked hard to defend their own interests in other people’s countries. This is just a nickel and dime war anyhow. With all the major budget items we’re asking the American people to consider, why bother them with trivia? Our newly-opened “Freedom Fighters Fund” will enable private citizens to contribute directly to a numbered, publicly known bank account, instead of having to traipse all over Florida looking for the camp.

I’ve been criticized, and rightly so, for failing to present any commercials along with my commentary. So here we go.

EVERGREEN – THE PUBLIC SERVICE AIRLINE 

If you’re planning a trip, or you think someone might be planning one for you, consider Evergreen Airways, the public service airline. We’re not an ordinary airline. We go that extra mile for you, or your covert representative. One of our current public service projects is the restoration of public services in El Salvador—that is, powerlines cut by power-hungry Communists and their peasant dupes. We’re also concerned with public welfare, and have helped to transport materials for the AFDC—Aid to Dependent Contra Families program.

We’re also involved in health care rights. When the Shah of Iran became indisposed, he used our services to get to the hospital on time—that time. We inherited the fine tradition of Intermountain Aviation, who worked to guard the rights of the rightful owners of Portuguese Africa and supported the private sector efforts of a free enterprise army in which our government held some stock in Laos.

Evergreen is a wholesome American enterprise. We don’t engage in bombing , except for a few paraquat sorties in Mexico. As for the rest of our activities, I can tell you that, in your heart of hearts, you don’t really want to know. So don’t ask to know, just bask in the glow of America’s public service airline—keeping the skies friendly, for our friends.