News Speak 11

The liberated ex-Sovietniks are looking forward to the markup of the magicplace.

I just want to share with you all what a thrill it has been to be present for the momentous changes shaking the formerly Evil Empire.  Well, not present in the sense that I have been involved over there in fomenting  anything.  That is deniable but true.  No, I’m just speaking about the lump I got in my throat watching the East Berliners streaming through the Wall at Cashpoint Charlie.  And I know they’re all looking forward to the incentives of free enterprise: the homelessness and unemployment and all the other things you can achieve through the markup of the magicplace.

And yet, strange as it seems, there are people over there who still want to be Communists.  And I never knew this before, but there are actually different kinds of Communists.  There are the ones that are concerned with the environment.  (And believe me, I’m concerned about that too.  It’s definitely out there.)  These nature-loving Communists are known as the Red Greens.  Then there are the vegetarian Communists, the Marxist-Lentilists.

I only hope the changes over there don’t turn out to be a trick.  It would be just like them.  They would cause us to think the Cold War was over, and to cut our defense budget and close down our defense plants.  Then they’d catch us with our plants down and march right in, right through Belgium, across Chad, up through Guatemala and right into downtown L.A.  And take away our MTV.  Think about it.  But not too much.